Is it ok to go all out?

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
~Marianne Williamson

Is it OK to go all out? Is it prudent and wise to take a chance that seems risky on paper?

Do we decide how our life is going to turn out or are we destined to fulfill a plan? Someone asked me, is it our compulsions and inner drive that will determine the ultimate level of success?

Have you ever been afraid of the still small voice within? Does that voice have promises for a different life? Can that voice direct us on a path that would deliver?

These questions I have been wrestling with since I was a teenager. I have been and always will be afraid of that still small voice and its obsession. That obsession is my art and the destination that it promises for me if I move forward without compromise.

To be successful in the world of art, wouldn’t that be everything that I have always wanted? Wouldn’t financial freedom and a certain amount of fame make my life easier? Won’t all that I wanted to be mine and the people around me happier?

I think of the roles that we all play within our social groups, be it family, romantic relationships, or friendships. We all serve a role in the “play” of life. Some of us are the smart ones or another would be the pretty one. Person “A” would be the one with the financial struggles and an issue with money managing. Their group of friends and family would just say, “That is just how “A” is.” Every one of us fulfills our individual roles. It is who we have become in the eyes of everyone around us. It is our “station” in life. I have a hypothetical for you though.

What if I make such a huge paradigm shift that I shatter the roles that I have always played? I know that if I do become successful and fulfill my calling, I could be such an alien to who I was. I may alienate myself from the people in my life. I am not saying that this definitely will be the case or that there is any truth to this hypothetical but, it could happen and that is alarming.

I have always been the one that was not successful and struggled for my art. I was the one that made the “safe route” more attractive to those around me. My being the example of following their heart and losing, propagating the notion of stay in school and get a practical degree, is edifying to their decision to play it safe. But what if? What if?

Let’s say, that I rise above my fears of homelessness and strive to listen to that still small voice and reach the goals that were set forth for me; how will that paradigm shift affect those around me. Will my success allow others to listen more intently to that still small voice? Will my sweat and tears save another from as many?

It all comes down to that, doesn’t it? I will strive to help the one that does not want to go the “safe route” be it now or sometime in future, even long after I am gone. So I will persevere and continue to fight the fight to keep that voice alive and listen to the voice, whatever the consequences.

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